Saturday, 12 August 2017

Behind closed doors.

Don't judge a book by its cover; you have to read the whole story, and even then there’s chances of misinterpretations. You can never fully know what someone has to deal with beyond what they choose to display, you can only know what you can physically see or what you choose to see, so choose your words and actions wisely.

While a self made emotional corset may make you look good, holding it all together so tightly can get overwhelming and hard to breathe, hence my decision to write this post. Ultimately, the truth is that everyone has their own corset to bear, some may be tighter than others, but its no competition. 
Don’t be so hasty in criticising someone because they’ve made a particular decision, because you don’t know what options were available to them when making that decision. Or if you pass someone you know in the street, and they ignore you, or are short tempered, let it go; don’t immediately label them as being a rude person because you never know how their day has gone. For years I had to carry the weight of dealing with family issues but then putting on a front so that no one had any idea that my home life wasn’t 'normal'. I distinctly remember one year on Christmas day, my Dad had drank so much at a family gathering, and on the way home began to get violent and started beating my mum in the car, meaning that my Mum and I had to run out of the car and were left on the side of the road to walk home till we could phone for help. But then the following week having to go to school and brushing this under the carpet and whilst everyone was talking about all their family parties and presents, I had to just pretend that my Christmas was just the same as everyone else’s because I didn’t want anyone to know that actually, that was probably one of the worst days of my life. Or when I first moved to Kent, having to join a new girls school in year 10 whilst everyone was already in their own groups and weren’t the most welcoming, and I was instantly labelled as the new shy girl from Newcastle who didn't really want to talk to anyone. But little did everyone know that I was waking up with nightmares every night, had the police at my house till early hours of the morning every other day, my Dad’s family sending letters saying that I should have been drowned at birth, all whilst I was trying to get through GCSES and catching up on things that I had missed by starting school late. Even though it was my fault for not giving any indication as to how I was feeling, everyone has their reason for their approach to handling a situation and that needs to be accepted.

And until now, I don’t think I have ever really mentioned this to anyone except a couple of my best friends. It has taken me a long time to grow into the person I am today, and even though I get described to be this strong person, who is always happy and can throw out the sass, I do have days that I will go back into my shell and things do still hurt me. A smile can work as an effective tool to cover a cocktail of feelings. Even if someone appears to look good, or is acting a certain way, they may need that as their way of breathing. In the words of Lori Deschene, “Give everyone the benefit of the doubt today”. 

So, to finish, don’t be so quick to jump to conclusions, take a second to consider how hard it might be for someone to be standing up straight in public that day. The corset may be a great accessory to keep up with appearances, but everyone needs to breathe. At some point, it needs to be taken off.

Thank you so much for reading ♡

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